Monday 26 April 2010

I am driving in my car


 
Had a good weekend, apart for some high level slobbing mixed with occasional laziness I had a driving lesson. Maybe at 34 i've left it a bit late but I am just starting to enjoy the
lessons. To anyone that's been putting it off like my I strongly
suggest you start learning.
It's good fun and it' ll get you away from the hood rats on public transport.

Friday 23 April 2010

Victory!

Just dawned on me that in a couple of hours I get to leave this desk and be a human being.
I have survived another week of drudge.

British summer time


At last, we have summer. Dispite all the doom and gloom I have managed to find a sunny moment and all is good.

Tuesday 20 April 2010

Meet the missus


This is my lovely fiancée. She agreed to marry me on valentines day this year.
Strangely it was harder to get her to agree to this photo...

Happy Volcano Day!

It's a magical day today. Because by the power of magic, volcanic ash is no longer dangerous to plane engines. So we can all relax. By a happy coincidence this happened the same time that airlines decided it was too expensive to put people up in hotels.

Don't you just love it when every thing works out nicely?

Sunday 18 April 2010

What if they made a live action Muppets?


So here's my idea pitch... Remake the Muppets but instead of using using constructions of felt and foam use actually living breathing sentient creatures. I think it's time... we have the technology to mix species DNA and people seem to like the idea of gritty TV shows these days.

The only problem I can see with the gene splicing is Gonzo. I mean what kind of animal is he meant to be anyway?

Come on, it's a great idea. I've already done the posters.

Ok, so maybe I am a little messy - part 2


I have grudgingly come to accept that an african savanna is not a suitable ecosystem to evolve on an office desk. It's is with this in mind I have decided to employ the services of a gorilla to remove the afore mentioned inhabitants. 

A quick read of the wikipedia entry for gorillas mentions that they live in tropical rain-forests.
With this in mind I have found it necessary to sabotage the office air con to create a humid environment.
I have also purchased a pot plant for gorilla nesting and a banana for sustenance.
Being a mere 3 inches tall I estimate one ASDA smart price banana a month will be sufficient for his needs.

I hope these actions will bring to an end any office unpleasantness and we can all get back to work.

[Update]
A thought occurs  to me... which of the primates are the ones that go in for poo flinging?
Pretty sure it's chimps.... god I hope it's the chimps. It's already eaten the whole ASDA smart price banana.

Saturday 17 April 2010

Ok, so maybe I am a little messy...

The Problem with working in an office as opposed to being self employed is that people seem to have this unreasonable assumption that I need to have an "appearance"

An ecosystem is all the rage when it's providing you with live giving oxygen and air miles for Sting but when it's the source of "That odd smell" in the office people start getting all irate.


Shark versus helicopter


For those not familiar with the term meme...
well done, you are a healthily minded individual who doesn't just follow the crowed.
Or... you need to check your emails.

In the game of shark versus helicopter everyone knows the shark never wins.

Thursday 15 April 2010

It is what it is

Here is a picture that I made. I could lie to you and make up some deep meaning behind it but quite frankly it's just there to look nice.

Ok if you really need meaning, pretend it's something do with helping others or society.
But it's not. Really.

Election time again


I used to be a die-hard Labour supporter, even spent evenings putting leaflets through doors.

Then they got into power and I saw the party change into something unrecognizable.

We've got mps fiddling petty expenses and not so petty ones.
They're whoring themselves out to the highest bidder in order in infulence policy.
I find myself in the position where I cannot in good conscience vote for them this time round. But then who can I vote for?

With the tories you expected a little sleeze, cash for questions and bundles of grotty fivers in brown envelopes. But at least they resigned when they got caught. Or decided to "spend more time with their family"

The Liberals might be interesting but my local Lib Dem MP has created so much junk mail that has passed through my letter box that his carbon foot print must be bigger than China's.

So who to vote for? Well would vote for Mark Thomas's candidate but I suspect that this is only because he let me speak on his radio show. That and I don't live in Bristol.

Maybe there will be a "Non of the above option"...

Good start to the day

Found out this morning that I got 3rd place in a worth1000.com photoshoping contest.
First time I had entered one of these so well chuffed.

Check out the other entries here

Wednesday 14 April 2010

The Cult of Apple Grows


Ok, I get the iPod, I get the iPhone, I love the mac as it allows me to earn a living...

But the iPad? Nope, nadda, scratching my head on this one.

It's got the OS of a phone so useless as a tablet computer.
A bright shiny screen it's useless as an eBook
Weighs much more than an mp3 player or newspaper.
So valuable you could never use it in public
The web is useless without flash support.

I really cannot see the point in this product. 


However if Apple want to send me one I promise to whore out my opinion and replace all these points with smily faces.

Whilst i'm ranting here. Dear Apple, can we have non glossy screens again? Your shiny ones make my eyes hurt when trying to edit an image. Thanks

Lets try one of these blog things then


Lets face it, there's no shortage of people using the internet to make public their most mundane thoughts. So here's my thought of the day to crowbar into the already bloated information super highway....

I Like Coffee.
I like it so much I would love a cup so big a baby elephant can bathe in it.
There, now you can go back to looking at lolcats or whatever it is people pretend to use the net for instead of porn.